A How to Guide: Avoid Avoiding Emotions

 
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One of the main things I work on in therapy with my clients, is supporting them to sit with uncomfortable and difficult emotions.

 

This is because we are exceptionally skilled at avoiding - it is our default setting, a natural reflex of the human condition.

There are a multitude of ways that we can avoid our feelings. Think: alcohol, binge eating, drug use, screen time, reality television. Avoiding an uncomfortable emotion may buy you short term gain at the price of long term pain (e.g. I will have a wine, or two, or three to alleviate the stress I am currently feeling. In the short-term, my stress might dissipate. In the long-term, this might lead to not only addiction, but my unresolved issues that I tried to avoid by drinking, are still ever present).

Avoidance is not only detrimental to our mental health, but, so much physical illness is caused by suppressed emotions that present psychosomatically as sickness and disease in our bodies. Do you ever wonder why we are sicker than ever despite amazing developments in modern medicine?! For example, some research suggests 90% of illness is caused by stress!

As a human being, you are going to experience the full spectrum of emotions. By accepting your emotional life, you are affirming your full humanity. Emotional acceptance is thus a far better strategy than avoidance.

Some ideas to support you to feel, so that you can heal are: (note: we are all very different thus some things may work for some people, and not for others’, and that’s ok):

  1. Practice mindfulness 

  2. Connect to your breath 

  3. Journal or write about your experiences

  4. Move your body body (a walk, yoga, dance, f45 – or whatever floats your boat)

  5. Make sure your basic needs are being taken care of (think: nutrition, sleep, exercise)

  6. Try noticing thoughts / feelings / emotions and meet them with non-judgmentalism and self- compassion

  7. Set aside some time every day to allow yourself to feel the feels – have a cuppa with your emotions

  8. Express your emotions through creative outlets e.g. dancing, art, music, writing

  9. Connect and share what is going on for you with a trusted and supportive friend / partner / family member / therapist

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